it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
