so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would ride that face into the sunset
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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