ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
