Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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