Quick, to the slutcave!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Be still, my beating vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
