ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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