peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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