The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
