I just pynch a tree in the face
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
