she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
