You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
