I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
