Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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