Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
