Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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