I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
