Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
