I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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