omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were trust falling into bushes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
