this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
