i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
