my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
