i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
