Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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