That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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