I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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