I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
