He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
