We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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