OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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