im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
