he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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