Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
