i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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