Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
