I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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