I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
