Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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