Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
