She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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