And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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