So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
