But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
