hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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