you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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