it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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