Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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