I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
