I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
