She's JV to your varsity
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
