All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
