I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
