Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
